


I Really Need You To Be My Best Friend Right Now

by isnt_that_wizard



Series: Buddie First Kiss Week [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Accidental Declarations of Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buddie First Kiss Week, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Crying, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Fighting, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Phone Calls, Rated teen for language, Sad Eddie Diaz, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, after a fight, even when they fight Eddie and Buck are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnt_that_wizard/pseuds/isnt_that_wizard
Summary: "Because I'm in love with you!"That's what Buck had shouted.Those had been the last words out of his mouth before he'd grabbed his jacket, stormed out of Eddie's house, and slammed the door shut violently behind him.God, how had they even gotten here?---------After a bad call, Buck and Eddie get into a fight that leads to Buck blurting out his feelings. He runs away after, too scared of what Eddie might say, and he's not able to stop thinking about his confession. Unfortunately for Buck, there is only one person he wants to talk to about everything that has happened the past day. Ignoring his better judgements, Buck calls his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie First Kiss Week [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768378
Comments: 19
Kudos: 396





	I Really Need You To Be My Best Friend Right Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Buddie First Kiss Week day three!
> 
> Prompt: After a fight
> 
> I have one more prepared fic for this week after this that will post, but at this point, I am not sure I will be finishing out the week's fics. In light of the recent world events and comments made by Ryan in the past days, I feel the personal need to step back and evaluate where I want to go as a writer, and especially as a white writer. Black Lives Matter is a movement I have always supported, I stand with the protesters across the country and especially in my home state of Minnesota, and racism will never ever be okay in any way, shape, or form. 
> 
> I love the character Eddie and I love what he has brought to the show, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to find any scrap of support for Ryan right now. I'm white and it is not my place to forgive, and I know I'll never understand the pain of his words, but i know the negative power that had. I want to keep writing Buddie and 9-1-1, and in the future I plan to, but I don't know how long it will be before I post for them again. 
> 
> To better get across how I'm feeling, please read this wonderfully written tumblr post by zeethebooknerd (tkreyesevandiaz on AO3) that very well sums up my feelings: https://zeethebooknerd.tumblr.com/post/619720969328705536/i-feel-like-as-a-buddie-fanfic-writer-i-need-to

_"Because I'm in love with you!"_

That's what Buck had shouted.

Those had been the last words out of his mouth before he'd grabbed his jacket, stormed out of Eddie's house, and slammed the door shut violently behind him. 

God, how had they even gotten here?

Thankfully for them both, Christopher hadn't been home tonight. Abuela had wanted to dote on her great-grandson, taking him out for dinner and a movie before having a sleepover at her house. It had worked out well; Eddie and Buck had a long shift that had gone too far into the evening for either of them to relieve Carla. After their shift, Buck and Eddie had made plans to hang out at Eddie's, just the two of them. They didn't get much alone time with Chris needing taken care of- not that either of them minded; they'd give up the world for that kid- but it was nice to just have a night to themselves. At least, it was supposed to be nice. 

The shift hadn't gone as easy as Buck would've liked; too many car accidents, too many idiot teenagers, and a house fire he was desperately wishing had never happened. The fire should have been easy; there was a hydrant right outside of the house, smoke detectors had gone off and altered the inhabitants of the fire soon enough- it was a pretty cut and dry job for the 118. They had just gotten the hose properly hooked up. Then a little girl, maybe a year younger than Chris, had raced past them all and back into the house, screaming about a cat. A cat that Buck could very clearly see in the arms of the girl's older brother. Before Buck could react, before Bobby could call out to the girl or anything, Eddie was right on the girl's tail, running into the burning house. 

Eddie, who had been directed by Hen and Chim to look over one of the parents while they finished checking the kids and babysitter. Eddie, who had taken off his mask and gloves to do so. Eddie, who had just run into a burning down building without proper protection. 

Buck had wanted to scream. He knew he couldn't go after him; he was needed to man the hose, and Bobby would stop him before he'd even get a chance. So Buck stood in the lawn of the house, just _watching_ as the second floor balcony came crumbling down right in front of the front door. Buck wasn't sure that he _hadn't_ screamed at that point. The rest of the call passed in a panicked blur. Next thing he knew, Eddie was back outside, having escaped out the back, maybe, the little girl in his arms and a nasty cough going through his lungs. He hadn't been back in the house long enough to have any real damage, and he'd gotten lucky to have no burns on his hands. Chimney had looked him over, whacked the back of his head for recklessness- one Buck could practically feel from the amount of times his friend had landed the same hit on him- and told Eddie that if he took it easy the rest of the night, he'd be fine by morning. But Buck? Buck was pissed. 

It was the exact type of trick Eddie would have reprimanded him for, one that Buck would never have gotten away with. And he was pissed that Eddie had done it with no thought to the fact that he could've _died._

Buck had stayed silent on the ride back to the firehouse, silent as he put away his uniform, and silent as Bobby told them all good job and their shifts were now over, so have a good night. Eddie had tried catching Buck's eye, had brushed their shoulders together in silent communication, but Buck stayed jaw tense, lips purse, emotions boiling over. He wasn't even sure why he was so upset about it all. It wasn't the first time and wouldn't be the last that Eddie ran into danger and Buck couldn't stop him. But Buck was pissed, and he wasn't letting it go. 

They'd driven together that morning, so Buck had no choice but to drive with Eddie as they left. No time by himself to work through his thoughts, figure out exactly what he wanted to say to his best friend. Maybe that's where the rest of the night had gone wrong. Maybe that's why when Eddie passed him a beer over the kitchen counter, frowning and asking, "Okay, what's wrong?", Buck exploded instead of answering calmly. Seriously, his anger at Eddie's stunt had lit a fuse the firefighter had to idea how to put out. Eddie, likely still riled up and running on adrenaline from the call himself, pushed back easily, throwing out words like "it was _fine,_ Buck" and "hypocrite". 

Buck normally felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when his team was in danger, when he thought he'd come close to losing them, but tonight it seemed all of that had just festered into something he couldn't keep contained anymore. There was no conversation in any of it, just the two of them stood in Eddie's kitchen, yelling at each other. Buck couldn't even tell half of what was said anymore. He was sure he had thrown Chris in Eddie's face, something about him not being able to get mad at Buck for stupid stunts if he was going to get pissed when Buck did the same. At some point the fight had dissolved from the topic of reckless endangerment and grew into just plain fighting. Shooting at each other about anything and everything, finding words meant to hurt that neither of them could ever mean with a clear head. Then came the moment, what it had all been building up to. 

_"Fucking hell, Buck! Why do you care so much, anyway?"_

_"Because I'm in love with you!"_

And really, that's what it all boiled down to. Buck couldn't stand the thought of Eddie getting hurt, of him not thinking before he acted because he loved him. Way more than anyone should ever love their best friend. Buck had known it, too, in the back of his head. There was always the tiny voice in his head that waxed poetic, swooned, and tried to get him to shout it all from the rooftops. He was in love with Eddie Diaz. And Buck had just told him, heat of the moment, in what might have been the worst possible way, before storming out of his house and going god-knows where. 

Since Eddie had driven them home, Buck couldn't even get in his own car to go to his own apartment. So instead he found himself wandering aimlessly through Eddie's neighborhood, nothing on his brain except deep-rooted shame, embarrassment, and a desperate need to get out of there. He let his leftover anger at Eddie fuel him, trying to get rid of the look of shock that had crossed his best friend's face before he'd turned and stormed out. Buck shoved his hands in his pocket, just wanting to close his eyes tight and forget the whole night. Eventually, he ended up in a park. It was one he and Eddie had taken Christopher to often. Of fucking course he'd end up here. Buck collapsed onto a bench, elbows resting on his knees as he shoved his face in his hands. 

Great job, Buck, you really screwed yourself over now. Now not only is Eddie pissed as hell at you, but he's never going to want to talk to you again, and you'll never get to see Chris, and you'll lose the best thing to ever happen to you, and you'll be all alone again, and-

"Shit!" Buck called out to the night, roughly running his hands through his hair as if it would get rid of his thoughts. Buck's eyes stung with a wet heat, his muscles were tense, and he had no idea how everything had managed to get so messed up in one night. 

Buck had been _terrified_ when Eddie had run into that house. His color drained as his blood ran cold with the image of that balcony falling and blocking the only clear entrance in and out of the house. He just needed Eddie to be safe, to be with him, and while he knew that was sometimes impossible with the job they held, Buck hated it. He sat in solitary silence on that bench, thinking of his own words. 

_"Because I'm in love with you!"_

He had walked out and left Eddie with that. Left Eddie to think over every interaction they'd ever had, relive every hug and seemingly meaningless touch, every time he'd picked up or dropped off Christopher because Eddie was too busy or couldn't make it. He had left Eddie with time to realize that Buck had loved him that whole time, to start to regret that day he'd said Buck could have his back any day. That's what Buck's mind had made up anyway, and couldn't seem to let it go. 

He knew it wasn't true. Well, he was sure Eddie would realize Buck had loved him through it all, but he wouldn't leave. He promised he wouldn't. That no matter what happened, Buck would _always_ have him and Christopher. This wouldn't change that, Buck knew it wouldn't. It would make things more awkward, he was sure, but Eddie wouldn't leave him. He _couldn't_. Buck needed him- Eddie couldn't leave him. Buck didn't know what he'd do if he did. 

As Buck's mind ran a mile a minute, as the cool night air blew to chill him on his lonely park bench, Buck finally broke. The hot tears that had been selling in his eyes since the moment he'd say down fell freely, quiet sobs escaping Buck's throat. This night had just gotten worse by the minute, and the dam had broken. He didn't even know what to do anymore. His anger dissolved into grief, fear, and pain for what _could've_ happened in that fire, for how the fight had started and just _kept going_ , for his own sudden outburst confession, for what he still might have lost tonight. 

As he sat there, tears rolling down his cheeks, Buck realized that out of everyone, there was only one person he wanted to talk to about all of this. 

Blindly, vision still blurry with waterworks, Buck reached for his phone and pulled it from his jeans pocket. He barely even bothered to look as he dialed the most familiar number in his contacts. 

_"Buck? Are you there? Where did you go, seriously-"_

"Eddie, I-" Buck swallowed back a sob at the sound of Eddie's voice on the other end. A voice that sounded _worried_ , not angry. 

_"Buck, are you crying?"_

"Look, I just-" Buck forced his tears to subside, just trying to get through the phone call without sounding as pathetic as he felt. "I really need you to be my best friend right now and not the guy I just confessed my love to." 

His voice sounded meek and pained, but after a moment's silence, he heard a quiet, _"Okay."_

Buck let out a sigh, looking down at the grass below the bench as he pressed the phone tightly against his ear. 

"I think I really fucked up tonight," he started. "I barely even know how it all happened, but I think I really fucked up." 

If it wasn't for the quiet breathing on the other end, Buck wouldn't be sure Eddie was even listening to him. 

"There's this guy-" God, Buck felt so stupid doing this. "-and I care about him _so much._ He's strong, and caring, and funny, and he's got the cutest fucking kid the world-" 

He heard Eddie give a small huff of a laugh at the mention of Christopher. 

"He's my best friend, and I'm stupid in love with him." 

_"Why do you think you fucked up, Buck?"_ Eddie asked quietly, as if he didn't know. But he was doing exactly what Buck had asked; he was being Buck's best friend, the exact person Buck would have gone to normally with a problem like this, if it had been anybody else. Maybe they'd continue fighting about everything later and things would change, but right now Buck and Eddie were just being _Buck and Eddie_ , just talking through things. 

"I almost lost him today," Buck said quietly. "He did something dangerous and I thought I was going to lose him. I was so fucking scared- I don't know what I would do if I lost him. But instead of just telling him that, saying I was scared and worried, we got into a fight instead. A really freaking bad one where I said shit I didn't mean and didn't tell him anything that actually mattered and then- . . .then I fucked up." 

_"How?"_

"I told him I love him," Buck mumbled, feeling the tears coming back. 

_"And? What did he say?"_

Buck frowned, "What are you- he, you- I don't. I don't know." 

_"Well, did you ask him? Give him a chance to respond?"_

"No," Buck replied, closing his eyes as if it would stop an angry tone from suddenly coming from the other end of the phone call. 

_"I don't think you fucked up, Buck,"_ Eddie's voice came through calmly. _"I think you should talk to him, ask him how he feels."_

Buck sat silently, feeling shock at Eddie's words. Ask him how he feels? What the fuck did that mean? Did Eddie just want to break his heart to his face? Did he mean to ignite a spark of hope in Buck's heart that he wished wasn't going to get put out? Buck couldn't even come up with anything to say in return, sitting there quietly for who knows how long. Finally, Eddie's voice filled the silence once again, tone hesitant and hopeful. 

_"Buck. Please, just come home."_

Buck didn't need to be told twice. He hung up the call without even saying goodbye, quickly making his way back to Eddie's house. Something in his best friend's tone had obliterated the doubts in his head. His heart was pounding with nerves, and he still wasn't sure if that hope in his chest was warranted- Eddie could still want to fix this while letting Buck down easy- but he needed to find out. 

Eddie was waiting on the front steps when Buck finally returned. Buck could see Eddie chewing on his lips nervously, his eyes watching the sidewalk carefully for signs of Buck's reappearance. When they made eye contact, Buck could see Eddie suck in a breath, and he practically wanted to turn around and run right back to the park. What if he was wrong about Eddie's tone? What if they just ended up yelling more? What if calling Eddie had been a bad idea? 

But when Buck made it across the front lawn and to the steps, Eddie immediately pulled Buck into his chest, wrapping him in a tight hug. Eddie had one arm around Buck's shoulders, one around his waist, pressing them as close together as possible. Buck slowly brought his hands up to Eddie's back, gripping his shirt tightly. He could feel Eddie tuck his face into Buck's shoulder, breathing in deeply as they hugged. 

"I was scared you weren't coming back," Eddie admitted quietly as they pulled back from each other. Buck just shook his head, as if saying _"I'll always come back to you."_

They were quiet, an awkward tension between them as they made their way back into the house. Eddie led them away from the kitchen- where they had stood fighting not 45 minutes ago- and into the living room. Eddie sat on the couch first, Buck hesitantly moving to do the same. 

"I'm sorry, Buck," Eddie began, looking more at the cushions they say on than Buck. "I know what I did tonight was reckless and stupid. I wasn't- I didn't think about what could happen. I don't even think I realized that I didn't have any equipment until _after_ I ran in. I wasn't thinking that you'd be outside or that something might happen to me. It was dumb luck that nothing did. And I should've realized- when I saw your face after I came out of that house. . ." 

"I was so scared, Eddie." Buck whispered into the space between them. More space than either was used to. Eddie nodded to his words, looking guilty as he did. "And I'm, I'm sorry, too. I know I should've just talked to you, but instead I started that stupid fight and I-"

"I swear to god, if you say you fucked up one more time. . ." 

Buck gave a small smile, releasing a breath. He shrugged, looking down at his hands as he asked, "But I did. Didn't I?"

" _Buck,_ no. You didn't, okay? I'm still here, I'm listening to you, and I'm going to stay by your side. And I- I was serious on the phone, Buck. When I said you should ask."

Buck glanced up at Eddie's face. His best friend looked nervous, but his eyes were soft and fond-looking, a hesitant smile playing on his lips. Buck sucked in a nervous breath. Was he really going to do this? There was no way rejection was coming from this, right? He'd been burned way too many times, but Eddie wouldn't be doing this if that was the outcome. He looked into Eddie's eyes again. He saw so much that he recognized, the same look he knew was across his own face more often than not. 

Eddie's eyes held underlying worry and fear, but hope, fondness, and care. And love. No doubt about it. Eddie was looking at him with love in his eyes, love that was meant just for Buck. Buck let a genuine, happy smile cross his lips. With a newfound courage, Buck turned his body completely towards Eddie's, moving them closer together. 

"I told you I love you," Buck stated. 

"You did." 

"And? How do you- how do you feel about that?" 

Eddie was quiet for a moment, a smile spreading his lips as he reached up, his hand coming to rest on Buck's cheek. Buck couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch if he wanted to. 

"I feel," Eddie mumbled, just loud enough for Buck to hear, "like I want to kiss you." 

Buck's heart was pounding, his breathing growing heavier as he moved closer to Eddie again. He reached up, gently wrapping his fingers around the wrist of Eddie's hand. He turned his head ever so slightly, pressing the lightest of kisses to the palm that held his face. 

"So do it." 

Eddie's smile practically blinded him before he felt the press of lips against his, his eyelids falling shut. Buck melted into the kiss, just a sweet, happy, comfortable press of Eddie's lips against his. It didn't go any deeper than that, it wasn't earth-shattering and firework starting. But it made Buck smile so wide he could barely even return the kiss any more. It made him press forward so he didn't accidentally move away and end it before he wanted to. It felt like safety, and family, and happiness, and _coming home_. It was maybe the best kiss of his entire fucking life. 

Almost as soon as Eddie was pulling away, Buck was leaning forward again to press a much quicker, chaste kiss to Eddie's lips again. Eddie laughed a little, accepting it and returning it with one of his own. Well, it was more smiles than kiss, but it was perfect to them. After the last one, Eddie pulled a little further away, so it was harder for Buck to follow after him. Buck was practically floored at the pure adoration in Eddie's eyes, a look he knew he was returning. Buck couldn't seem to stop smiling, a stark contrast to what the rest of the night had brought. He didn't care, though; Eddie's smile matched his own. 

He couldn't believe he had just been kissing Eddie Diaz. His best friend. His partner. The guy he was hopelessly in love with. 

"I love you, too, Buck. Just in case that wasn't clear." 

Buck couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, leaning forward to ready his forehead against Eddie's shoulder. He felt Eddie kiss against his hair, quickly joined by the feeling of Eddie's hand in his hair. Buck felt every bone in his body melt on the spot. His hands came up, resting lightly on Eddie's hips. Buck lifted his head a little, giving himself the ability to look at Eddie's face again. 

"I'm really sorry, Eddie. About fighting with you, what I said-"

Eddie shook his head. "Me, too, baby. It's okay. We're both here, we're okay."

If Eddie called him "baby" again, Buck was sure he might just die on the spot. To hear the word fall so effortlessly from Eddie's lips, like it was just plain right, was incredible. Buck pressed a kiss to Eddie's jaw in response. 

"I'm in love with you," Buck said again, no fear or hesitation or pain in his voice. 

"I'm in love with you, too. Now stop talking and come here." 

With a hand on the back of his head and the other wrapping around his waist, Eddie pulled Buck into another kiss, which he happily returned. 


End file.
